I used to care about a lot of things small and big. Used to be obsessed with many things, used to have many sleepless nights, used to wanna be someone,be successful ,wanted to have my name up in the billboards and magazines , used to be ambitious
I am sad to say i no longer do. At some point in my life i just dozed off
I could never put a finger on exactly when i lost my interest in all worldly affairs. I became like a hermit but i only gave up on ambitions not on having fun ,friends or family.The fire inside me had died. I was becoming a mere spectator of my own life. My whole thought process had changed.I had convinced myself somehow that Everything that happens in this life is inconsequential. That life is just a meaningless mundane and boring turn of events where my only aim should be to have some fun.It all happened slowly of course but there is no doubting where it all began. I can still remember that day vividly . That's the day i decided to become a bloody engineer. I still curse that day especially since i have no one to blame for it as it was my own decision to do so
HELLISH LIFE I COULDN'T BARE
I was always interested in Computers and computer-programming so i decided that become a software engineer won't be a regrettable choice.but someone suggested to me to do any course available in a college named st.Joseph's and i for some reason agreed. Before we get further into what happened next let me first tell you something about me.
" I did my engineering in Chennai in st. josephs's".
And the colleges here are beyond strict. let's just say Guantanamo Bay looks like heaven compared to these colleges. They start at 7 in the morning and are located in the most exterior parts of the city so you have to get up by 5 in the morning to reach in time. Of course u could ask me why not just stay at the hostel.Well it was just another hellhole too with all it's rules and regulations. You can't talk, sit,stand even blink or breath without the permission of the staff. The staffs were mostly your usual morons who had no idea what they were talking about. Well i could write a whole reference book on how bad the life in my college was but i will leave it that for now
I obviously wasn't expecting this when i entered my college i was expecting or rather hoping for a 'haven for studies' sort of place where no one would bother you. It didn't take long for the reality to dawn upon me and i became disenchanted with the whole concept of Engineering. Especially since i couldn't see much practical applications for most of the subjects i was learning. i wanted to be a programmer but for some reason i was leaning about what material the brushes in a motor are made up of .
I had always been a fan of rational thinking. I had come to the conclusion that there was no god and given up on religion by the time i was around 13 or 14 years old . I began to stop idolizing people who were my heroes. I started to be a lot more practical through my rational thinking. I started feeling a lot more confident
But soon i took this concept too far maybe it was due to the stress i was starting to feel for having joined Engineering. I started to become indifferent to a lot of things that were happening in my life and started calling it rational thought .It was during this time that i started questioning the meaning of life. The purpose of my life and i couldn't find any nothing made any sense to. After each failure i would just ask myself the same question 'does it really matter isn't life just an accident' and each time the answer would be 'of course it doesn't matter nothing matters '. I was becoming a nihilist and not just accepting nihilism from a distance but following it in my day to day life. I even went as far as questioning every relation i had whether they were worth keeping if there is no purpose to life . You would understand this only if you were in such a position.Where utter indifference dominated your every thought
WHERE DOES INDIFFERENCE LEAD YOU ?
It leads u to an unfinished degree with 5 arrears and no job. only after these 4 years have i realised that. How foolish of me. Lucky that atleast i dindn't follow this principle with friends and family. Cause through indifference you could avoid them too i stayed away from atleast that one trap
Purpose of writing this
just to tell anyone who is reading this to take their life seriously and have an ambition and motivation in life.You too will have your own hell hole like i had my college but just stay focused . I still haven't found the meaning of life and most probably never will. but i have found the meaning of "struggling to get a job" and will never treat failure so lightly again. All i am saying is keep your philosophies of life and realities of
life in a separate cabins
I am sad to say i no longer do. At some point in my life i just dozed off
I could never put a finger on exactly when i lost my interest in all worldly affairs. I became like a hermit but i only gave up on ambitions not on having fun ,friends or family.The fire inside me had died. I was becoming a mere spectator of my own life. My whole thought process had changed.I had convinced myself somehow that Everything that happens in this life is inconsequential. That life is just a meaningless mundane and boring turn of events where my only aim should be to have some fun.It all happened slowly of course but there is no doubting where it all began. I can still remember that day vividly . That's the day i decided to become a bloody engineer. I still curse that day especially since i have no one to blame for it as it was my own decision to do so
HELLISH LIFE I COULDN'T BARE
I was always interested in Computers and computer-programming so i decided that become a software engineer won't be a regrettable choice.but someone suggested to me to do any course available in a college named st.Joseph's and i for some reason agreed. Before we get further into what happened next let me first tell you something about me.
" I did my engineering in Chennai in st. josephs's".
And the colleges here are beyond strict. let's just say Guantanamo Bay looks like heaven compared to these colleges. They start at 7 in the morning and are located in the most exterior parts of the city so you have to get up by 5 in the morning to reach in time. Of course u could ask me why not just stay at the hostel.Well it was just another hellhole too with all it's rules and regulations. You can't talk, sit,stand even blink or breath without the permission of the staff. The staffs were mostly your usual morons who had no idea what they were talking about. Well i could write a whole reference book on how bad the life in my college was but i will leave it that for now
I obviously wasn't expecting this when i entered my college i was expecting or rather hoping for a 'haven for studies' sort of place where no one would bother you. It didn't take long for the reality to dawn upon me and i became disenchanted with the whole concept of Engineering. Especially since i couldn't see much practical applications for most of the subjects i was learning. i wanted to be a programmer but for some reason i was leaning about what material the brushes in a motor are made up of .
I had always been a fan of rational thinking. I had come to the conclusion that there was no god and given up on religion by the time i was around 13 or 14 years old . I began to stop idolizing people who were my heroes. I started to be a lot more practical through my rational thinking. I started feeling a lot more confident
But soon i took this concept too far maybe it was due to the stress i was starting to feel for having joined Engineering. I started to become indifferent to a lot of things that were happening in my life and started calling it rational thought .It was during this time that i started questioning the meaning of life. The purpose of my life and i couldn't find any nothing made any sense to. After each failure i would just ask myself the same question 'does it really matter isn't life just an accident' and each time the answer would be 'of course it doesn't matter nothing matters '. I was becoming a nihilist and not just accepting nihilism from a distance but following it in my day to day life. I even went as far as questioning every relation i had whether they were worth keeping if there is no purpose to life . You would understand this only if you were in such a position.Where utter indifference dominated your every thought
WHERE DOES INDIFFERENCE LEAD YOU ?
It leads u to an unfinished degree with 5 arrears and no job. only after these 4 years have i realised that. How foolish of me. Lucky that atleast i dindn't follow this principle with friends and family. Cause through indifference you could avoid them too i stayed away from atleast that one trap
Purpose of writing this
just to tell anyone who is reading this to take their life seriously and have an ambition and motivation in life.You too will have your own hell hole like i had my college but just stay focused . I still haven't found the meaning of life and most probably never will. but i have found the meaning of "struggling to get a job" and will never treat failure so lightly again. All i am saying is keep your philosophies of life and realities of
life in a separate cabins
nice inspirational article
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